Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Aasmaan neela ho ya peela ...

Just found my old diary in which I wrote this article , many years back in January 1997 . Probably I was less of a pessimist that time :) Loved reading it and so am sharing it with you .

                                I am .

" But what am I ? 
   An infant crying at the night .
   An infant crying for the light .
   And with no language but a cry ! "

            Many a times these lines by Tennyson appear so very meaningful . A simple question that has roused itself again and again in my consciousness is ' What am I ? ' Am I just a name , a tiny dot in this big , wide , mysterious world , existing without anything like a design or purpose !

            But , if I am just born to fade like a tiny bubble , without even leaving a mark behind me , then why do I think so much ...and feel so acutely ? And why do I dream ? Why do I often feel that my every step gives direction to where I am going and my every decision shapes my being ! If I am nothing more than a dot , then why do I feel I am evolving , and that with every passing day something more is added to me !
          Life to me is yet not a very clear phenomenon . I still don't understand it . Sometimes it seems impregnated with motives , inspirations and meanings. Another time it seems so purposeless , so superficial ! I somehow regard life as a process of evolution in which the organism has to make adjustments in an outer as well as inner world.... and this process goes on and on .
          But , it is not an easy process . The world around me changes and my experience of the external world changes my inner world .I remain static for a while , astonished with the changes...and then like a small child afraid of being left behind , who runs along with her parents to meet their long strides , I try to match my pace with the changes happening around me . Exhausted I manage to move at that pace when suddenly this thought flits across ...'Why ? Why so fast ?' ... and I stop .
          So long it has been just like this .Me .... a bundle of fears , hopes , dreams , mistakes , failures , fatigue , disappointments ...yet again faith, surviving instinct and a fresh attempt to learn something from every failure . Real life is not very attractive but pretty interesting .You are surrounded by people who think , and people who don't ; people whose reactions can't be anticipated , people anatomically so much like you , yet so widely different . Some - who rise and fight , some - who creep to a corner, few who smile at life , many more ... who sneer at it , and the majority that whines .
        Rarely do we come out of this ' I '. There is always this Me with Capital ' M '. My life , My world , My idea of happiness .What begins at ' I ', ends at ' My ' . The portion of world I see is ' My World '. I , a tiny insignificant dot like myriad others , so naturally assume such a significance at the centre of my world !! But , to each his own. If My world keeps me happy, thereby contributing as a unit to the happiness of the world , it probably is not a bad idea .For what else matters in this mundane existence ... but happiness .
        I remember watching the movie ' Naseem ' , in which the little girl asks her grandpa why the sky is blue ? He replies ' Because Allah didn't like it yellow .' The girl laughed at the answer knowing that grandfather is joking . And Grandfather said , " See you laughed . Aasmaan neela ho ya peela , muskurate rehna chahiye .'
        Such a simple logic to every mystery of life !! Whatever you are life - yet a stranger to me ; I know I'll befriend you some day .... for I know how to smile and I am learning how to live .

- Meeta .
15 /01/97 . Haldwani .


  1. we are nothing but a question mark in a big zero
    why and what for we exist is difficult to understand

    1. Sorry for the late reply Rajendra ji.Saw your comment today. Was out of touch with the blog from a long long time .You are right, We are ... but the intriguing question is 'Why are we ?'